A letter to my high school friends

Dear friends who put up with me in high school,

Did you know we graduated 16 years ago? That’s like almost half our lifetime ago. Some of us met literally on the first day of grade 10. Others we met a few days later. Some in grade 11. But regardless of when we and how we became a little community in the back of the cafeteria you were the people that helped me survive high school.

16 years gives a person a lot of time to think and reflect. 16 years also gives you a lot of time to evolve as a human. 16 years of distance gives you enough times to realize just how cringey you were in high school.

I have secondary embarrassment for high school Tatiana sometimes. 

I’m the first to admit high school wasn’t the best years of my life. Even then I knew the best was yet to come and there was more our there for me. There was more out there for all of us. I know I was insufferable in high school. I am so sorry about that. I was a not-it-all, I thought I was the smartest kid in the room. Also sorry about that. I was “over” everything humanly possible. I was thought I was just so more mature than everyone. I wasn’t. I was an idiot teenager just like everyone else. I wasn’t better than anyone. I was just like everyone else, I was terrified people would find out I was an idiot teenager, just like everyone else.

So why am I writing to you now?

First to say I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for sometimes thinking I was better than you. I’m sorry for being so wrapped up in my long distance high school boyfriend that I didn’t spend more time with you but spend time on the phone with him. I’m sorry about running for class president. That was stupid idea and I should have listened to you. I’m sorry didn’t care as much as I said I did about things that were going on with you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you righ away that I was leaving to go to University. I’m sorry I didn’t take every chance to see you after we graduated.

I’m also sorry for the last few years. I’m sorry that don’t see you as often when I’m back in Canada. I’m sorry I don’t stay in contact as much as I should. I’m sorry I don’t try as hard as I use to.

Second to say thank you.

Thank you for humbling me when I needed it. Especially when I got a bit too full of myself.  Thank you for making me laugh when I needed it. And helping me create memories that still make me smile (I’m still scared of drinking soft drinks and laughing at the same time.) Thank you for being happy for me when I did tell you I was leaving the city to go to University.  Thank you coming to my wedding. Thank you for seeing me before I left Canada. Thank you for yelling out to me in Polo Park when you see me on my visits home. Thank you for still thinking of me as a friend even though I haven’t been a great friend. Thank you for reaching out to me out of the blue and still caring about what happens in my life.

Please know, I still care. I still think of you and I still think of you as a dear friend even if life gets in the way and our interactions are sometimes just limited to a facebook like.

I wanted out of high school so bad I didn’t really find time to enjoy it. Do I regret it? Not really. In hindsight should I have chilled out a bit and just let high school happen? Yes.

Do I still feel super lucky to call you my friends even after all these years? Always.