I'm not terrified...just scared.

I keep reminding myself, "20 seconds of courage, 20 seconds of courage...." That's all it takes to do a scary thing. 20 seconds courage. My whole weekend will be nothing but 20 seconds of courage over and over and over.

What am I talking about?

I'm currently sitting in a cafe In Birmingham (yeah I picked a GREAT day to fly to the UK) waiting for peek train hours to end so I can take a train to another train station and then take another train to Derby and then a final train to Newark-on-Trent. I've been up since 5am.

I'm attending what I deem a once in a lifetime event. Gotham Rollergirls bootcamp and then the Gotham vs London bout. Yeah....what have I done?!

John was super supportive of me doing this. I mentioned it in passing. In a "it would  be cool but it's in the UK it's expensive" kind of way. Then he said, "when do tickets go on sale?" Totally unexpected. He's usually very encouraging but also understands my limitations and my anxiety about doing stuff like this. But being who he is the day of the ticket sale came and he manned a laptop determined to get me a bootcamp and bout ticket.

At first I was all "nah I'll go offskate..." Because while I want to grow up to be Bonnie Thunders I know I'm more like Tatiana inclimate weather. But he said I should...nay he insisted. He insisted that I couldn't go all that way and just take notes. So an on-skates ticket bootcamp it was.

Tickets were bought.

Attempts to convince John to come along failed.

Travel arranged.

Excitement built.

A meltdown happened.

A promise not to hide occured.

I'm scared. I'm scared of doing all this travel by myself. I'm scared of being at this whole bootcamp thing by myself. I'm scared of pushing myself outside of my comfy roller derby box. I'm scared that I've spent to much time coaching I've forgotten how to be a skater. I'm scared that no one will like me. I'm scared I will fail hard in front some of my derby heroes.

I'm just scared.

So 20 seconds of courage, 20 seconds of courage, 20 seconds of courage.......


leslie said…
You can do it.