That moment

Last May I did that to my toe at a practice. I should have been wearing runners but I forgot them so I was in my socks. We were doing "sock derby". Sock/sneaker derby is awesome. It's fun and gives you an entirely new perspective on the game. Well until you get an avulsion fracture in your big toe. It's still awesome and fun but not as awesome as it once was and you will forever and always remember to bring your sneakers to practice. My toe healed nicely but it still aches sometimes. Particularly when my toes are cold. Yeah I've become one of those people. Cold weather now reminds me of every major injury I've ever received. Even from my before derby time (yes my life is divided in half, the before derby time and the after derby time.)

After I broke my toe my dad and I had a conversation about the fact that I need to remember I'm not bullet proof. Whilst I like to think I'm a quasi-awesome force of nature I am still breakable and I need to consider that. My dad suffered a horrible injury many years ago that to this day bothers him (although right after he happened he drove himself to the was a foot injury...he drove a stick shift at the was his clutching foot.) He wanted to remind me I have obligations to my family and friends and I needed to be mindful of what I'm doing to my body. I'm not 18 any more. I don't bounce back from injury quite as quickly.

Recently I had a bit of a fight with roller derby. I was feeling rather lost and out of place on the track. I was really wondering what my purpose was because I was feeling a bit lost and useless. I feel like I lack a defined role other than doing what I'm told which apparently I'm good at on the track (and my mom says I never listen!)

Last night I stopped being dumb and went back to practice. I kissed and made up with Derby. Well it was more I admitted my own stupidity and vowed to not be suck a jerk. But derby is a cruel and vengeful mistress and decided I needed to be taught a lesson. That lesson came in the form and a booty block (I think...I'm a little fuzzy on the exact details) from Booty and the Beast that sent me flying. As she hit me I heard a pop in my neck, a similar sound to when one of your joints pops. Then I hit the ground hip, shoulder and then side of my head. I think it bounced.

I had a moment. A moment where I wasn't sure I could move my head. A moment where I wondered if I had permanently done damage to myself doing something I love. I didn't have this moment when I broke my toe or got a concussion skating in a scrimmage in Fargo. But boy did I have it yesterday night.

This moment comes on the heals of a medical crisis in my husbands family which had a happy ending (yay for medical science) and the loss of a friend of my husbands to cancer (fuck you cancer.) I'm not bullet-proof. No one is. The universe I think is reminding me of that in a BIG HUGE MASSIVE way.

I'm fine. My head hurts. The left side of my neck hurts. I'm at work though (I work in a hospital with a state of the art ER I think I'm safe to be at work.) One of my team members is a nurse (yay for Sinfully Sweet) and another one of my team members if a massage therapist (yay for Killendula) so I was well looked after. Wadeaminute made sure I got back to my team bench (yay wade!!!) I was well taken care of physically. Emotionally...I went home and cried at John. Not because I was hurting physically more because I scared myself.

Of course I'm not going to stop playing. That's just silly talk but it think I'm going to be a bit more appreciative of life and a little more careful with my body.

So what have I learned?
1. Don't have a fight with roller derby because ultimately you will be wrong.
2. Keep your head up.
3. Our first aid committee is awesome.
4. I'm not bullet proof.
5. I will never forget to skate low again.