Friday, June 20, 2014

You never get use to it

The husband in repose...or ignoring me....could be both.
John is about to leave on mission again.

"What do you mean about to leave? Didn't he just get back?"

Yup, he's off to South Africa this time. And it's looking like he might be away over our Anniversary...maybe. And he might be gone over his birthday again...perhaps. We live in constant uncertainty about whether he'll be home for things or not. Not an ideal way to live and it wrecks havoc on our long term plans but you put up with it. It's what puts food on our table so I'm not going to complain to much....okay I'll complain about making my own coffee while he's on mission. But I would complain about making my own coffee if he was home.

In our almost 8 year marriage John as ALWAYS traveled for work. Always. Even when he was working for my dad (....okay most of the time he worked for my dad were just dating...he only technically worked for his father-in-law for 2 weeks....yes my dad liked his IT Guy so much he got him married into the family...) Sure the traveling he did for my dad was within Manitoba and no overnights were required but it was still travel. When he moved to the Pharmaceutical industry he was in Montreal...a lot. It was on those trips that he fell in love with that city. When we were in Winnipeg he was traveling to Conneticut a lot. Once a month for a week for six months. Because he wasn't the one booking the trips, some person in their head office was, they actually once booked a trip so he was home for a week, gone for a week, home for a week, gone for a week. Yeah not awesome. So when we moved here we knew his job would require travel. Not some travel or occasional travel. A lot of travel. It's the nature of his job.

In the last three years he's been to India, Bangladesh, Madagascar, Malaysia (x2), Singapore, Indonesia (x2), Kyrgyzstan,  Doha (x2), Dubai, Namibia, Cambodia, Laos and countless countries where he had to change planes. If you want information about airport lounges...he's your guy!

So it's been almost 8 years of John traveling for work and you would think I would have gotten use to it by now. I'll let you in on a little secret....I'm not use to it and I'll probably NEVER get use to it.

I have it on very good authority (my mom) that it's totally normal to not be use to it. My parents have been married for over 30 years and my dad has always traveled for his work and my mom still isn't use to it. It gets easier that for sure but the reason you never really get use to it is because it disrupts the rhythm of your life but quickly you fall into a new rhythm where you become comfortable going about your day on your own and in your own quiet. Then the person comes home and your rhythm is disrupted again and you have figure stuff out all over again all while dealing with a jet-lagged person (dear friends and family be thankful you've never experienced a jet lagged Johnathan...trust me.)

But then I remember when my mom was my age she was doing while my brother and I were quite young. Not itty bitty but younger. Elementary school age I think. So I doff my hat to my mom because she was doing this with two kids at home while all I have to worry about is myself and occasionally the plants.

So really I have nothing to complain about....except the coffee thing as I mentioned earlier.

And honestly, I don't think John and I could function like we do if he didn't go away every so often. Sure it's disruptive to our lives, I miss him and I have to make my own coffee but there is a lot of truth to the idea of, go away so I can miss you. This is what works for us and really our marriage isn't "till death do us part." Nope. It's "til one of us snaps and kills the other."

In all the uncertainty and jetlag and travel and changing plans and constant schedule checking he loves his job. He loves doing his job. He loves what doing his job means for other people. And I love that he's in love with his work.


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