Derby Shorts. Right after we moved here I saw on the London Rollergirls facebook page that they were looking for submissions for a fundraising book. They were looking for roller derby short stories. I made note of the submission deadlines and guidelines. I think I even emailed my friend Portage about it. I remember vaguely telling John about it. Although he's fairly sure I never actually told him about wanting to submit something. This is possible. I may have just told him the project existed.
Then I thought about it. And thought and thought and thought. Think. Think Think. Just like Winnie the Pooh. I was at a weird place in my writing and derby career. I had no direction for my writing and I had made the decision to put my derby career on hold for a while. So here I was with the opportunity to write fiction about derby and submit and possibly have it included in the first collection of roller derby short first.
What did I do?
I let the deadline pass and I submitted nothing. Hell I didn't even attempt to write anything. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't think my writing was good enough. I counted days until the deadline and still couldn't bring myself to write a word. I seriously chickened out. Yes the girl who with a youtube video of herself getting hit in the face playing roller derby chickened out. The girl who moved to a new country with 30 days notice wussed out big time.
My brave is pretty damn big but at that point, it wasn't that big. At least not then. I regret little. I was raised to regret nothing. But here I am with this HUGE regret following me around.
Recently another roller derby related opportunity landed in my lap. I was asked to apply for the position of team manager for Switzerlands national roller derby team. Well okay, we don't have a team yet but we're building one and a team manager is required as we try to build the derby presence of Switzerland on a more global scale. Anyway I was asked by my co-trainer here in Bern to apply.
Cue very Tatiana-esque freak out.
Then cue "awwwwww wow she thinks pretty highly of me."
Then cue dragging my feet about applying. One of my coping mechanisms is to procrastinate. Yeah I know it's weird. But that's how I cope with the unknown sometimes. Then I worry. Then John asks me, "what's the worst that could happen?"
The worst? I could drag my feet long enough I miss out and then have a huge piece of regret to drag around with me. Yeah...I really didn't want that.
The worst case scenario if I did apply? They say no. But at least I could say I tried.
So I tried. I applied. I asked for letters of reference that in the end made me cry with appreciation. I remembered to honour my derby roots in letter of motivation and spoke about my Oma's love for the game. I flat out told them they needed me. Brave as all hell if I do say so myself.
I hit submit and then waited.
When the email came I was home alone. I was waiting for John to show up with our friends from Geneva. We were looking after their little one while they had a bit of a date night. I was by myself when I got the email that asked me if I was interested in being their head coach.
Yes, you read that properly. They wanted to make me their head coach.
Remember I was alone. I had no one to tell. I freaked out. I called my parents. No one was home (this happened when we found out we were moving here too by the way.) I imessaged my best friend Jamie because all of a sudden I couldn't remember her phone number. Then John walked in the door with our friends. I practically yelled it at them.
Much happiness and jubilation ensued.
I am the new head coach of Switzerland national team.
I can't believe it either.
So what have I learned from all this? My brave is HUGE. Regret sucks. And roller derby will continue to give me more than I ask for.
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