Sunday, December 23, 2012

"I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it."


Allow me to wish you and yours a Happy Festivus. In accordance with festivus tradition after dinner is served we must air our grievances. It consists of lashing out at others and the world about how one has been disappointed in the past year. So settle in with a snack readers because I have some issues and you're going to hear about them!

1. Cancer - you don't run in my family you gallop and destroy everything in your path. You've taken THREE of my grandparents. THREE!! And on top of that recently you took an awesome person with two young daughters at home who will now grow up without a mom. You can just go to hell.

2. Tourists - you walk slowly. You stop suddenly. You take pictures with your iPads (which is just asking to be tripped or mugged or both), you complain about the locals forgetting the some of us speak English and you admonish me for walking into your photos ops. I don't like you.

3. People other than my parents and in-laws who ask us about having kids - So how about I start asking you awkward personal questions and see how you like it.

4. People who think all Canadians speak french - yeah....the school my husband went to hasn't had a french teacher in 15 years. And I took German not french. Fun fact: Most Canadians don't speak french but we do know the french for "free prize inside."

5. People who think airport security rules don't apply to them - I hope you lose your luggage.

6. Jet lag - I hate you and the chaos you cause when Johnathan comes home from a business trip.

7. People who don't follow the recht stehen links gehen rules on escalators (right standing left going) - I hope you miss your train.

8. People who put their bags on the seat next to them on public transportation and don't move it. - I hope the inspectors fine you for that. And anything else they can think of.

9. WE LIVE IN SWITZERLAND! NOT Sweden - ahem.

10. To the Judgey von Judgersons Jerksonheimers - no I don't work. Yes I am a kept women. No I don't have to work. Yes I spend my time writing. No I don't like bonbons. Yes my husband is cool with this. No the house isn't always spotless. Yes I feel fulfilled. No I don't get bored. Thanks for asking. Pin It Now!

2 comments:

  1. So much of this is why you're one of my favourite human beings <3 Merry Fesitvus!

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  2. Maaaaaaaaaaan..how did I miss Festivus Day!!
    I also don't like slow walking tourists, jet lag or cancer (it took my mom). And, I don't speak French (n/m that I live in Cali).
    Happy F Day!!

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