Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.


Hi there,

You'll probably never read this as you're currently not speaking to me. But if these words do ever grace your screen let me say this, I feel compelled to speak from my heart and get some things off my chest. Call it closure, if you will.

On March 30th you magically decided to stop speaking to me. Okay, it wasn't so magically, you actively decided I had done something wrong in a situation where no one did anything wrong but you chose to be angry at me regardless. At first when the dust all settled I was floored that you would do such a callus thing. This seems incredibly out of character and beneath you. But honestly, in retrospect, the writing was on the wall and it's been there for a long time and I chose to not read it.
 
I can't pinpoint the moment or the day but you seemed to have decided that you are better than me and our relationship. It was a slow evolution. I've spent the last three years getting the brush off from you, reading passive aggressive status updates about me (yes I know they were about me), getting the cold shoulder at social functions when we are both in attendence and when you DO grace me with a conversation it's usually about you and what you have going on in your life. Even when I DO try to tell you about something I have going on we always end up back at you. All conversations lead to you and your "schtuff". I'm not sure how I suddenly became a second class friend to you. It just happened. I've tried and tried and tried to maintain a relationship with you but I get NOTHING from you. I understand relationships change and evolve and our relationship has ebbed and flowed over the last several years but this sudden turn of events left me rather hurt and angry.
Your silence is deafening. I've extended the olive branch a few times which you plainly ignored. I think you're expecting me to come crawling on my knees begging for forgiveness. There is nothing to forgive because no wrong was done by anyone but it's not my job to convince you of that, that is a conclusion you will have to come to on your own. I guess I wasn't as strong as I'd made myself out to be and having our friendship tossed so readily to the wayside shattered that wall of toughness I'd built up around myself.
I do want to say, I'm not angry anymore. I'm not angry about the way you've treated me. I'm not angry about you lying about "other plans" and missing my birthday party. I'm not angry that you decided you are better than me. I'm not angry about the passive agressive status updates. I'm not angry that you have stopped speaking to me. I'm not angry you abused my generosity. I'm not angry you took advantage of my "compassionate to the point of stupidity" personality quirk. I'm not angry that you never said thank you. Not any more.
Sure maybe one day something will click and you'll want to have me active in you life again. But until "one day" happens I will proceed as my parents have taught, I will be polite, I will always say hello and I will smile and nod. I will wish you no ill will but I will stop letting you rent space in my head. I still don't understand the reason behind the demise of our friendship, but I'm no longer bitter about it.

I hope this letter finds you well and happy, and I hope you know I don't want anything but the best for you.
 
Regards,
 
Tatiana
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