Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The House Rules


Or as we like to call them, rules that probably shouldn't have to exist but do.

1. DON'T TOUCH TATIANA'S PILLOWS!!!!
2. The next person that talks with food in their mouth will be put to death.
3. Tatiana is no longer allowed to throw things, her aim has gotten too good.
4. No cats named Dylan are to be on John's desk no matter how marvelous the sunshine spot is.
5. No Nerf guns in the bedroom.
a) Modifying Nerf weapons to fire ordnance other than official Nerf-sanctioned ammo is strictly forbidden.
b) Should you come across an opponent who has run out of ammunition, you may "do them Execution Style."
c) While pistol-whipping isn't expressly forbidden, it is considered unsporting.                  
6. The following items are not allowed in the bedroom; roller derby anything other than scrim shirts in the laundry basket, no cellphones, no laptops, no flowers and no cats that meow at the top of their lungs because they think people should wake up and pay attention to him.
7. The phrase, "You can't lick people to death" is not a challenge.
8. The counter is not where a roll of toilet paper goes.
9. Crafting projects cannot occupy the floor for more than a week.
10. Popcorn does not equal dinner.
11. Friday nights shall be reserved for mindless amounts television and witty banter.
12. Changes to dinner plans are allowed to be made by Johnathan only if Tatiana is first notified. If Tatiana is not reached via phone an email will suffice.
13. If one of us gets superpowers the other will be named sidekick.
14. Once a day we will ask each other about our day even if we really don't care.
15. Johnathan will not accept any job offers in any cities that do not have roller derby teams.
16. DO NOT TOUCH TATIANA'S PILLOWS.
17. Looking in the fridge whilst dinner is being made is a bad idea.
18. Cats named Dylan need to remember that when Lovey's BBq is brought home for dinner it is not intended for his consumption.
19. Johnathan is not allowed to see Tatiana throw up.
20. When playing monopoly it MUST be stated before game play begins if Hammell House rules are being played or Warkentin House rules. If a decision cannot be reached we will either play the rules on the box or play scrabble. Pin It Now!

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